Three Red Flags Of An Unkind Man.

I’m going to try and deconstruct three different ways men act unkindly toward women. I am a man, so I will be doing this from a male’s perspective. I think more men should be discussing this openly. My goal and my objective here is to give women healthy, encouraging insight from the inner-workings of a man’s mind in the hopes that you will be liberated by this toxic behavior. Men are accountable for this. I’m not alleviating them of their responsibility. But I’m trying to empower YOU. Please leave a comment below so that I can answer any questions that you may have.

Note: These aren’t in any particular order.   

Okay, let’s start with the first of three!

He is belittling toward you. 

Ever date a guy who seems to thrive off of making his friends or colleagues laugh at your expense? Ever feel embarrassed by him, insulted by him, and / or completely belittled by him? Well, that man has one of the three red flags of unkindness that we’ll be discussing. A man who behaves like this is actually threatened by your presence, or he secretly feels inferior around people in general. Either way, he is unjustly supplementing those insecurities by trying to make you look bad. 

To say that this is immature is an understatement, but - as a man myself - I can say that I have personally witnessed this time after time and it’s WRONG. Important: It is no better for a man to do this in private, either. Malicious criticism is never justifiable behavior.

Your Response To Him: 

Firstly, your feelings are justified. If you’re angry, hurt, sad, confused, feeling betrayed, it’s ALL justified and thoroughly understandable. Please ALSO understand that - unfortunately - a lot of men are extremely insecure, they don’t know how to work through their insecurities, so they suppress them until they explode into this demeaning and antagonistic behavior toward YOU. Illogical, right?? And YOU did NOTHING to deserve it. Your response should be to never put up with this inappropriate treatment. You deserve to be uplifted - not antagonized or belittled.

2. He is hypocritical toward you.

Ever date a guy who berates you for having a guy friends, for “liking” instagram photos he doesn’t want you to like, but then proceeds to live by his own apparent rules? Or - should I say - lack thereof? Do you find yourself having restrictions when he seems to be restrained by none? Are you “in trouble” for the very things he indulges in? Are you always wrong and he is always right? Well, check off the second red flag as well because you are - or have been - dating a hypocrite. (And possibly a narcissist.)

Not only is this a form of gaslighting, but it’s abusive. It goes without saying that hypocrisy is toxic and - you guessed it - unkind. You deserve fairness and INTEGRITY; not suppression and manipulation. 

Your Response To Him:

As with being belittled publicly or privately, being treated with hypocrisy is not only unkind, it is a form of hostility. This passive aggressive behavior can make you feel guilty, anxious, tense, crazy, depressed, or even unworthy. All of these emotional responses are completely understandable, but NONE of them are merited because you are being manipulated. Your attempts to rationalize illogical behavior will lead to chaotic emotions. And, who could blame you? You’ve been treated without kindness. You deserve to feel SAFE. You DON’T deserve to feel perpetually attacked. 

3. He is temperamental toward you. 

Ever date a guy who is incapable of controlling his anger? Does he yell? Is their hatred in his eyes? Does his piercing stare penetrate your heart with painful, sharp emotions that make you feel isolated, unseen, and alone? Does he call you names? Does he hit you? Does he force sex onto you? If any of this has or does pertain to your relationship(s), then you’ve been treated unkindly through anger. 

Not only is this temper-related, it too, is a form of abuse, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. You deserve patience, gentleness, affirmation, and protection. You DON’T deserve to be treated with reckless, hasty forms of anger.

Your Response To Him:

Just like with belittlement and hypocrisy, anger and temperamental treatment toward you is unacceptable. You may rightfully feel threatened, frightened, anxious, and hurt. You don’t have to be treated this way. You don’t have to tolerate it. This is - once again - another form of abuse. A man with true leadership and maturity can process his emotions rationally, and not at your expense. Be with a man who cherishes you, and makes you feel safe.

Conclusion:

There are unfortunately other forms of unkindness, but these three are rampant in men and should not go unchecked. I hope and pray that these viewpoints will offer some validation, encouragement, and perspective in your relational journey. It is better to be healthy and single, as opposed to in an abusive relationship. Set your standards high, and hold them close to your heart. Know your worth. You’re above abuse.

Pursue a man of kindness.

Avoid these red flags!

-Ry